A Push to Actively Write: I Want to Write but Can’t.

For the last couple of years or so, I have been struggling to write and release my darling ideas out on paper.

Since graduating college in 2020, I have tried writing little bits of poetry and paragraphs of a short story, only to delete it because I couldn’t get past how my writing felt to me — garbage. It didn’t help that I had been comparing my incomplete first sentences of a short story, or a half-written poetry draft to published works of fiction/poetry.

Obviously, I know I shouldn’t do this because first drafts are bound to suck. An incomplete draft can’t yet suck if it’s not been executed wholly. I just could not help the fact that I felt insecure with my own writing.

I realized how toxic it was (and still is) to compare my writing to an author’s. So I decided to pause the act of writing, and with that, reading altogether.

However, as I continue to avoid writing projects, I’ve become content in watching youtube videos, anime, Netflix, and playing video games. Oh, and there are 33 books (34 after today) set on my desk that NEED to be read or otherwise, they’re just going to keep piling up.

I’ve had professors say reading and writing come hand-in-hand — that “reading makes us better writers.” Do you agree?

I like to believe reading will make me a better writer, but if I don’t write at all, how can I ever be a writer? The act of writing is a discipline I do not have.

But, I’d like to change that.

I want to commit to my projects. I want to continue what was once my joy. I want to execute the different ideas in my head, spit them out on a page, and call it a week.

©Cherish Yang 2022